I’m My Own Boyfriend’s Side Chick

Have you ever been in a relationship and just not felt yourself? Have you ever been in a relationship and felt like you didn’t/don’t belong? I’m in a relationship right now one I’ve been in for almost 2 years. Don’t get me wrong I love the guy I’m with, but sometimes in the back of my mind I feel as if we don’t belong together anymore. We’ve had a lot of issues over the past years and I’m honestly kind of getting annoyed of it.

The guy isn’t very romantic at all,which is fine, but it sort of makes him only think about himself all of the time, like I am always working my schedule around his and it’s so much work, I go to school & work full time. We also live in different cities. Our whole relationship has revolved around him, he also thinks it’s funny to pick fights with me. Also due to the fact that I live in a different city I do a lot of traveling. I’ve lived in this city for 6 months now and I think he’s been down here maybe 4 times and that’s because I have to beg or he just wants sex. Now ask me how many times I’ve traveled to him. EVERY weekend or he whines. Personally I think I need to stop and make him realize he needs to stop walking all over me.

Anytime my boyfriend calls and wants me to come over or actually comes to my apartment it’s for sex. I’m not into it lately because there’s no feelings. I don’t feel bad though he should be making me feel loved. I love his family so a lot of the time I go home that is why, I mean our families set us up they’re good friends so it’s hard. When I do go home though I always just sit until my boy comes home he wants to do it then we go to bed. lol. Last week he came to my apartment, I had to be up early the next day for work and didn’t want to have sex, he left the next morning without saying a word and ignored me all day just because I didn’t have sex with him. His words, ” you know the only reason I came down to your apartment, and you didn’t give me it” WHAT. I’m my own boyfriends side chick!

The guy also acts like hes on his period sometimes. There will be days when he’ll decide to ignore me all day or be a jackass to me all day and make me feel shitty. I try talking to him and he just ignores me. He came down last weekend and my roommate pointed it out to him and all he had to say was “I like making her mad, it’s funny” Honestly I don’t find any humor in it. Having your heart yanked around gets old and tiring fast.

We broke up awhile back for a little bit and I’ve never felt so embarrassed for myself before. I swear I went psycho. I got very depressed. He left me because “he wanted to sleep with other people” LIKE WHAT. All of you are probably like then why did you go back to him and to be honest I don’t know, I love the kid I guess.

He just told me a few weeks ago that in the short period we were over he was with another girl. It honestly broke my heart. How can you go from being with someone for so long to being in bed with another so fast? I’ve been with only two people in my life and I for the life of me don’t think that number will ever increase. I don’t think I will ever be treated right by another guy to let myself go to that base again. When we broke up I was very angry at him for his reasons, but I never slept with anyone else. My heart has been hurt for so long that I don’t even know how to feel again. If we break up again I don’t know what I’m going to do.

My boyfriend also never wants me to go to parties with him, strange right? I can say I don’t trust him. Every time I want to go with he throws a fit and neither of us end up going. I don’t understand. He has this friend that doesn’t like me and always tries to have my boyfriend get with other girls. He doesn’t like my guy being tied down, this friend has caused a lot of issues in our relationship. Actually he IS a lot of our issues. He’s always with my boyfriend when he goes to parties, so can you understand why I get so upset? He also gets my boyfriend to do drugs and what not, whenever he is with him I get treated so bad. I don’t think that should be happening.

I asked my boyfriend to go on spring break  with me and some friends, he said no he wanted to save money, understandable. But the next week he decided to go to Canada with friends. Told him I thought he wanted to save money, he told me he just didn’t want to go on Spring Break. I wanted him to go so badly that I said he could bring his best friend. HE SAID YES. Then his best friend couldn’t and he went back to saying no! I am always in competition I tell you. He’s going to school 8 hrs away this coming up fall, he wants to end our relationship when he leaves. LOL. 8 hrs away. We’ll be together for 2.5 years. Can we just take a moment.

I met this guy down at school, we get along great. We both are in relationships though, relationships that we’re not sure we want. The only flaw about him is he’s a huge player. Every time any of the friends decide to hangout and he’s is too I feel myself trying to make myself look good. That shouldn’t be happening. I’m supposed to be in a very happy relationship with someone I love dearly right now. Instead I’m thinking of another guy and I don’t know what the universe is trying to tell me.

This guy that is my boyfriend may be all about himself, but we have a great time every time we are together. We don’t usually go on dates and do relationship stuff, but we always have fun whether we’re out and about or sitting at home and I think that is very important. But there’s just so much wrong in my relationship right now, I don’t know if I can keep up anymore. I talk or try to talk to my boyfriend about all of this quite often, but he never gets concerned. I always wonder, have I been holding on to long? As I was typing this I was feeling more towards ending things, but now that I’m finished I just can’t. I love him.

“If someone truly loves you, they won’t make you feel like you need to constantly fight for their attention.”

“Just remember, when you’re ignoring her, you’re teaching her to live without you.”


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